After a day of empty tasks I go to sleep, tear off my mask I am a stranger, even to myself Always this aching in my guts Regular things leave me torn up Nobody asks me how my day has been But sometimes I start leaking sap Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs It won't be very long til I act like it never happened It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine. Do you wanna hang out? watch cartoons and cry? Day after day my mind goes dim I grow out and rip off my second skin My journal's empty, no will left to write I am unfit to love myself The check engine light keeps burning out Subconscious thoughts are rising to the top But sometimes I start leaking sap Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs It won't be very long til I act like it never happened It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine. Do you wanna hang out? I'll watch you drink wine I pulled the sword from the rock But I got shy and put it back The people stared, all were appalled "We thought that you were someone else" I feel empty From a grade that passed the class and nothing more When the treadmill of self-care becomes a chore Tired of counting hours of missing sleep I'm always tired And I grow And I change And I hate What this world has done to me Not calm Not safe No joy Only tragicomedy A wizard came, knocked on my door "We need your help", they implored Oh, they warned, if I accept I must be sure cuz I can't go back I'll be honest I'm afraid of monumental change Less than I fear things might stay the same What's the risk if I risk everything? Okay, I'll do it

I once had this old friend We act like we're both dead It's scary how angry Just one guy can make me Betrayal, a missed call A fist through the drywall I thought that I knew you The truth is, I used to And sometimes I miss them I miss who they were then The good will is broken The goodbyes unspoken I hate you, your mom, too I've moved on, we're so through The bullshit, the weakness You're empty and spineless Our friend said you missed me But I know she's lying She just wants her friends back We all know we're past that Betrayal, a missed call A fist through the drywall I thought that I knew you The truth is, I used to

What's this feeling When you look in the mirror? What's a pronoun? Just some words that you hear Lights out Drop out Thinking about What I'm not gonna think about Let's put this off For another year Tell me what's the problem? Tell me, what's the problem? I don't want to be myself! Tell me, what's the problem? Tell me, what's the problem? I don't want to change! Tell me, what's the problem? Tell me what's the problem? I don't want to be myself! Tell me, what's the problem? What's your deal? Pieces of a boy, pieces of a girl Pieces of a void, alien world Things I can't describe, places I can't go Flags that I'm too scared to unfurl I'm on edge, yeah, don't mind me Cuz I keep finding things I'm hiding I'm fine Tell me, what's the problem? Tell me, what's the problem? I don't want to be myself! Tell me, what's the problem? Tell me, what's the problem? I don't want to change Tell me, what's the problem? Tell me what's the problem? I don't want to be mysel Tell me, what's the problem? What's your deal?

Everybody knows you're a massive fraud They can tell before you talk They can see the split in your seams You ugly fuck Everybody knows that you're one big joke They can tell with just one look Nobody cares if you notice their stares You merit them And I am meant for this world I guess But I feel like a broken mess My friends, they last for a year at best And I don't belong Everybody says you're awkward as hell The way you dress, the way that you smell Best to give them what they want And go away What a shame that you exist All that space and oxygen Slip away in the floorboard gaps Forever stay And I am meant for this world I guess But I feel like a broken mess My friends, they last for a year at best And I don't belong I wish upon a lovely star To be adored from afar People see, look up to me I love myself

It's late at night, so much free time A boring drive thru suburb roads The GPS said there's a beach And the sign says that it's closed Fuck the man, we jumped the gate Whe had to make the bet Cuz in the end, when you're with friends You take what you can get I remember standing on the shore The midnight fog was like a metaphor A feeling like i'd never had before Tonight is like we're gonna live forever Tonight is like anything could change Tonight is like we'll die at twenty-seven And that would be okay Thanksgiving break of freshmen year Returning home to see old friends Reassured to know with time Our bullshit jokes still land Can you guess what I'd expect? Yeah, I assumed the worst We'd grow apart, a change of heart A blessing and a curse I remember standing on that shore The midnight fog was like a metaphor A feeling like I'd never had before Tonight is like we're gonna live forever Tonight is like anything could change Tonight is like we'll die at twenty-seven And that would be okay A promised life of pain and broken hearts A body that will age and fall apart Countless times to feel completely lost Oh my god Looking for a reason to exist Like the destination in a dance For 30 minutes everything made sense because Tonight is like we're gonna live forever Tonight is like anything could change Tonight is like we'll die at twenty-seven And that would be okay

Sometimes I say I'm busy when really I'm just sad Sometimes I feel scared to be alone Sometimes I'm so paralyzed from doing simple tasks I can hardly look at my own phone I panic when I think about everything I've missed But only after days of being sad I wish that I could sympathize with who I was yesterday How did I let my life get so bad? Can I lay on your floor? Can I lay on your floor? Can I bike to your house and open your front door? I won't be as lonely as before Why can't I be satisfied with everything that's right? Why can't I be happy just because? So easy to compare myself to those worse off than me I hate myself because I hate myself Can I lay on your floor? Can I lay on your floor? Can I bike to your house and open your front door? I won't be as lonely as before No I won't be as lonely as before If I were to ghost on all the people that I know It will be so easy to dissolve No one else will notice my total lack of presence Just like I was never there at all Can I lay on your floor? Can I lay on your floor? Can I bike to your house and open your front door? I won't be as lonely as before I won't be as lonely as before No, I won't be as lonely any more

Do you know what true love is? You know it when you're sad And a little grey cat, who knows for a fact When you're down bad Always when I'm home from school She pops up in my room We will play for another day And fix my mood Sweet kitty, always right there for me How do you know? You're always there when I'm sad Sweet kitty, always just what I need How do you know? You always help when I'm sad Each time, something small to do I feed her twice a day I find the time to calm my mind So we can play Sometimes when I feel alone I remember that's not true I try my best despite the mess She has no clue Sweet kitty, always right there for me How do you know? You're always there when I'm sad Sweet kitty, always just what I need How do you know? You always help when I'm sad Sweet kitty, always right there for me How do you know? You're always there when I'm sad Sweet kitty, always just what I need How do you know? You always help when I'm sad

Ha ha ha Everyone's laughing at me Oh what a lark! Tearing away at my self-esteem But I don't care just what they mean So why does it hurt? What does it always hurt? I will try to be myself tonight But why is it so painful to be me?

I wanna go to the party, I wanna fit right in I wanna get drunk ugly and yell at my stupid friends I wanna puke in a toilet, I wanna call-in sick I wanna crush on a new girl and all of that cringy shit Instead I'm bored inside my dorm, killing off the time Texting lies that say that I'm too busy for the night Lay in bed, pretend I'm dead and swear it could be worse Play an album not as good the first time as the third I will not manifest courage I wish I had I am the champion of the cancelled plan I wanna go to the party, I wanna leave a scar I wanna go on a bender, I wanna crash a car I wanna piss off the neighbors, I wanna piss off cops I wanna leave with a story that that somebody else retells Instead I'm bored inside my dorm, killing off the time Texting lies that say that I'm too busy for the night Lay in bed, pretend I'm dead and swear it could be worse Play an album not as good the first time as the third I will not manifest courage I wish I had For I am the champion of the cancelled plan Concrete walks and rambling talks A promise made with fingers crossed Forgotten rules to drinking games A coke can filled with ash Clouded by half-eaten brains As mercury pumps thru our veins Speaking with nothing to say at all I'll send a pity text to my oldest friends "I know that this sounds weird, but please come over here" And I won't be alone, maybe we all get stoned Watch some Minecraft vlogs and bitch about our jobs

In the hallway after class The desperate look of an ex A second glance as we pass I know the truth, you're still obsessed Shared belongings repossessed All the posts that you regret Just the thought that I might take you back When I threw you out Like you were dirty, day-old birthday candles I despise like no one else Keep crawling back This is more than you can handle Days ago you tried to speak Apologies that felt so weak Empty words I've heard before Dropped some hints about how you've changed What you've done to learn your place Well I can't stand you anyways Just the thought that I might take you back When I threw you out Like you were dirty, day-old birthday candles I despise like no one else Keep crawling back This is more than you can handle Epinephrine Serotonin Dopamine and Oxytocin Epinephrine Serotonin Dopamine and Oxytocin Just the thought that I might want you back When I threw you out Like you were dirty, day-old birthday candles I despise like no one else Keep crawling back This is more than you can handle

If I could cure anything I would cure loneliness I would be a girl in love But I cannot bloom in the dark of my room The sorrow is spreading from heart to gut I'm stuck here by myself Witness her love someone else I was promised a Valentine's Day This is not who I will be I'm hot and I'm cool and I do great in gym Should I get new hobbies or get better friends? Perhaps I should parlo Italiano Ciao bella, vaffanculo! I'm stuck here by myself Witness him love someoene else I was promised a Valentine's Day This is not who I will be I need a bar of soap to place inside my mouth Clean up all the filth that I keep puking up Who wants to hear me complain? It's not self-aware or interesting Witness me circle the drain Tick-tock my time away If I could cure anything I would cure loneliness I would be a boy in love But I cannot bloom in the dark of my room The sickness has spread into my lungs I'm stuck here by myself Witness them love someone else I was promised a Valentine's Day This is not who I will be Fuck

I'm always told that I should like myself But the hard part is convincing someone else It's not like I can tell them that I like them So it feels like I somehow have to trick them And I try hard Trying to look important But also laissez faire Like I don't like you But then again maybe I do Also, I don't care I check in with my friends before I text you I straighten out my posture when I see you I worry that I might look needy My motives and emotions are so buried And I try hard, Trying to look important But also laissez faire Like I don't like you But then again maybe I do Also, I don't care I want to be special to you, and only you I want to be special to you